| The next step |
[21 Jun 2005|01:09pm] |
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~Finally got my own apartment. Pics soon~
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[16 Jun 2005|08:01am] |
Main Entry: kar·ma
Pronunciation: 'kär-m& also 'k&r-
Function: noun
Etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1 often capitalized : the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence
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| 188888888888888 |
[12 Jun 2005|03:48am] |
Had a fucking ill birthday pregame night thanks to (no order)
•Shizzy•Maggie•nigga fat will• Kenneth p.uss cadmus•Sean•Shane•Mamma Tina•Jussy•Ian Kanakeris•Tao•Jill•Mike•Gina•Ross•Skate rash•Fredo•Brian•Virgin•Nigga Carn•Andrea Tanzi•Shauna•Weed•The Crazy Mescaline Tab eatin Bong tokin Graffiti'in parking lot sweeper dude•Dan Conklin•Lil martucci•Whole group of drunk Kings park fighting stoners•Videtto, Mckenna, and Riccio all fucking rolling randomly at 7-11•Stop and shop•No cops•The completely white moth me and maggie brought back to life•Ministry of sound•Music
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[05 Jun 2005|03:31am] |
Your Juno is in Pisces
Juno in Pisces is in love with love and wishes very much to be involved with someone who will support her and care for her as deeply as she cares for others. That's not difficult, Juno in Pisces; your tenderness and kindness draws both fans and lovers aplenty. Take care in choosing your partner, however, and make sure that you are appreciated for all of your fine qualities rather than used as a doormat. Your partner shouldn't wish to take advantage of your sensitive kindness but instead should view you as a much-needed ally and friend. Take off your rose-colored glasses and see your partner as they really are and you'll make the right choice. You lack a bit of logical distance and it's best that you choose a partner who is happy to take care of practical details and leave you free to be dreamy, romantic and loving. You may also be unwilling to see the negative sides of your relationships. With a little attention paid to the values and desires of those you choose you will have relationships which are long, loving and truly fulfilling.
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[01 Jun 2005|03:42pm] |
It turns out I never really escaped the devil when I left home. She followed along, only this time she had grown more malevolent. Playing the role of an innocent young girl begging for a better life. I took the role of the martyr but each step of the way I could feel the hellfire burning in her eyes, though I continued taking the beatings she delt out. It was really hope that killed me. You can't reason with evil, don't bother trying. Everything you show her she will only use against you. Each truth you sow will only be reaped by the hands of a liar.
Leave evil in the arms of Karma. You can't help them if they don't want to be helped, they'll only use what you teach them to become a better liar. What goes around comes around, and I can rest assured that the universe will show her what it's really like to burn this time. Have fun in hell bitch, and if you can ever find the time to pull his dick out of your mouth...tell Satan I said Hello.
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| One of many coming soon |
[22 May 2005|08:51pm] |
[+] Full view
At first glance i could've sworn there was a light there shining just for us ...
unfortunately for me, the drugs wore off and reality swallowed me whole.
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[25 Apr 2005|12:10pm] |
Note: Excuse the lack of updates I've had so much i've wanted to write but I wanted to finish this. I've been pretty Busy lately.
This past friday I embarked on a transcendental journey through the depths of consciousness unfathomable to anyone unfamilliar with the effects of hallucinogens. The soma of my mind; psilocybin mushrooms. I now can live my life knowing that i've experienced something most people have to die to get close to. I got felt up by god.
•Come 6 PM I had gotten off from work and had a few friends meet at my apartment. Tao, Shane, Sean, and myself split a half ounce of shrooms which we injested with the company of peanut butter, marshmallow fluff, mini-muffins, doritos, gatorade, and coke.
•Only myself and tao have had prior experience with mushrooms. I've taken them a number of times and I consider myself a better person because of my realizations while under the influence which I have carried over to my every day life. The epiphany of my life was on shrooms, i've relased my consciousness from my body on shrooms (out of body experience), i've felt the symbols of the cross on shrooms. The last and first time Tao encountered them unfortunately like most first time users he lost it a bit. Come to think of it I was tripping too. Of course he remained true to his pacifistic nature and didn't pull any of those mindless stunts you hear about from your D.A.R.E. Officers. Thats right kids if you drop acid or trip balls on shrooms, unless you have remotely no self discipline or self control, you probably wont kill yourself or your friends/family. The Tao just kind of chilled wherever the fuck we took him around to mumbling incoherently to himself and the people around him. Luckily I happen to speak fluent Tao and could converse with "Shroom kid" (The title bestowed upon him for a week or two after that night). I'm actually surprised he maintained his composure as well as he did, Those were the most intense shrooms i've ever had the pleasure of convening with. They even looked intimidating, stems spattered with various hues of blue and purple...every last stem surprisingly intact with it's beautiful golden cap. I'd say the best way to describe the effects of those would have to be - every last fragment of space and time residing in your mind torn from your brain and rearranged in cooperation with your human nature all in the matter of hours.
•At 6:15 after barely managing to keep them down I head over to my girlfriend Monikas house to pick her up. I'm already starting to notice the vivid colors and enhanced sensory reactions to music. Me and shane are both starting to feel really good. We've got some radiohead on and it's bugging us out in the best of ways. We pick Christine up and head over to long beach. I started to grow quite irratated by normal girly talk because of its ambiguity and lack of substance. Naturally I would've ignored it but on shrooms you can really feel the essence of things.
•On the way there I notice that all trees look as if they were arms outstretched towards the sky. I mention this to the car but receive that "What the fuck?" expression from everyone. I wish I would have written down my thoughts like I had intended to but the beauty of everything was so overwhelming I didn't want to waste a second glancing at the bland white paper when I was seeing shades of color one can only witness on certain drugs.
•We get there, and Shane is just awestruck to the point where tears are falling from his eyes and everything. I start to feel this magnetic pull towards the shore, so I went with it and just started walking.
•First of all, You have never seen the sunset if you haven't seen it while under the influence of this beautiful, beautiful drug. We witnessed a myriad of colors so surreal - yet so native to the earth. It was truely breathtaking. I tell shane that the overall lesson from mushrooms is that the beauty you can witness when tripping is allways there, its all a matter of perception.
•As we are walking up the dunes, I kept mentioning how this was true paradise. Heaven on earth. We were ascending to heaven. Just as I said that we come to this naturally occuring arch...I've never seen trees form this way, it was just amazing. A Perfect arch resembling an entrance right before a plateau. "Here we have the pearly gates my friend, welcome to heaven".
•Someone suggests that we stay there, but i would have none of it. I said "Why stay here when we've got all of this fucking dune to climb up?". Shane agrees and we ascend further...to the highest point of the dunes. When we get there, there is this little mound of perfect sand that we decided to chill on right at the edge of the dunes. For some reason I decided to lie backwards somewhat hanging off. Shane mentions something about feeling like a we were inside of a paperweight, and I respond with something along the lines of "Life is like a paperweight, no matter what you do, you're still gravitys bitch" Viewing the sunset reciprocally with the sky is a fucking experience in itself. I notice a bed of thorns right below this mound.
•Shane is chillen on the mound while I'm just throwing some sticks off of the dunes and spinning around. I request that shane tries this, so he does. I spotted this root sticking out of the ground so I started to tug at it. So i'm just uprooting this small dead tree somehow to throw off of the dune. Shane is just standing there still dumbfounded by the shrooms while holding onto the smallest bit of tree branch. So i'm like "Again, just like life...why grab a tiny peice of it when you've got this whole fucking tree you could be fucking with".
•On the count of three we toss the tree down the dune. It gets caught in this ugly little shrub, so I got pissed. Whenever you think you're headed in the right direction some annoying little shrub gets in your way. So I said "Fuck that" and jumped down after it. Shane follows close behind me and we grab the branch and are just gliding down the dunes. What a rush. It felt like we were angels jumping from cloud to cloud in heaven without a care in the world.
•We get to the bottom both astonished by what we just did. I had to do it again. It was one of the greatest feelings i've ever had, there was no way I was going to leave it at that. So I started running - but instead of going around, I felt the overwhelming desire to climb straight up it. I start to feel my heart accellerating.
•Now for me, this was an unnatainable feat of strength if I was sober. My poor tar filled lungs can't possibly pump enough oxygen to my body to allow me to do this. I just knew it had to be done. Climbing up my heart only pounded faster. All sense of time and space was lost during the next few hours following this. I knew that I was heading towards the turning point in the trip. Not only by the strong nessecety to climb this hill, but by the fury of my heart, and the realization that Shane only made it a couple of feet before collapsing.On my way up, the sand flew from under my feet three times, and nearly sent me plummeting towards the shore again. But I prevailed to my surprise regardless of the sand in my eyes and mouth. Shane was exactly where he had fallen, not moving a muscle. I knew he was alright, he was learning things he never thought he could.
•When I reached the top of the dune, I realized that I had just ascended the highest point on the whole beach. I was so content with everything at that moment, although I was breathing like a fish out of water with my heart like a hummingbirds. I went over to the mound I was explaining before and just let my body collapse. I sat there watching the moon rise from the other side of the earth for what I later found out was close to two hours. While lying there motionless I saw these transluscent hands in the sky going back and forth across my body. There were transluscent hearts floating all around them as well, I was certain that these were the hands of god. God was soothing my body as i watched. I got felt up by god.
•Somewhere along the line I had the impulse to just strip myself of my clothing and go exploring. Now I'm not stupid I had full controll over myself, and it just seemed like the thing to do. So I did it. What I saw when I went exploring was unreal. Just behind the dunes, a dead forest remeniscient of a lost city, so dark and lifeless ...was just there. I had absolutely no previous knowledge of this whatsoever. At the point in time when I witnessed this, the sky was divided into halves. On one side we had the sun at its final stages, and the other side where this forest was, the moon. Day and night. Heaven and hell. I yelled at the forest something like "YO FOREST! WHY LOOK SO GLOOMY YO?! YOU'VE GOT ALL THIS JUST OVER THOSE DUNES. CHEER THE FUCK UP MAN!" I was convinced it was hell, you'd have to see it to know just how much it really was. I felt like a cherub, hopping from cloud to cloud buck naked, as natural as it got.
•After all of this was done, I stood naked on the mound yelling god knows what to shane, i barely got a response. I put my clothes back on and surfed down the dunes once again to Monika and Christine who were coming towards Shane. He was mumbling incoherantly, obviously tripping balls, but he wouldnt move..dead weight. After a little while after talking with Monika about what I had experienced and attempting to control the ocean, I decided shane had had enough immobility. I knew it would be insane for him at the time, so from behind him I interlocked my arms with his and pulled him from the sand quickly. He later told me it was like I pulled him back into reality.
•The rest of the night was spent smoking pot and just hanging out. A kid named Spencer who's my younger sisters age had purchased one of my old peices off of my friend, and the poor kid lost it within an hour so I gave him 'the guvnah' which was a much nicer bowl. I'm glad I made him happy, he seemed like a pretty good kid.
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| A new hope |
[14 Apr 2005|08:15am] |
•oxycontin•vicoden•soma•codeine•tramadol•percocet•adderall•xanax•marijuana•ether•
10 good reasons as to why you are reading this. A two week drug binge in which somehow, I had managed to ascend past the boundaries of my euphoric stupor enough to register myself a new livejournal. Of course, that happened to be two and a half months ago, but something needed to be done to make up for the monstrosity which I called my past livejournal. Yet as allways, like every completely pointless heap of shit spewn out to the public...people liked it. Oh, how I long for the 60 comments worth of inane bickering between anonymous posters and naive young female admirers - along with a handful of friends defending my fuzzy logic and quick-witted comebacks. Thankfully due to the use of hallucinogenic mushrooms mixed in with 16 years of what was once thought to be perpetual suffering, I've aquired the knowledge nessecary to discover my 'buddah nature'; my true self. Aristotle himself said it , "We cannot learn without pain". I'm now older, egoless, and ready to handle whatever the world has in store for me. Let me get back to explaining how you're reading this.
•extacy•cocaine•dxm•marijuana•lack of adderall•new car•new job•
7 good reasons mixed with one wavering relationship and a fist fight (no not with my ex) this past week which have lead me to actually get around to updating this. I'm assuming that the crash from all of that extacy is the reason i've been in a reverie the past few days, but I needed a mediocre outlet for self expression sooner or later. So for the next epoch of my consciousness I plan to update this with my thoughts, artwork, worthwhile information, and future plans for the website. All that I can hope for is that something good will come out of it, and if not... at least I can share my drug fueled thoughts and experiences with all of you. I'm bound to fuck up and learn from another mistake sooner or later.So Readers - keep coming back for updates; you're bound to find something entertaining. Teenaged Girls - keep clicking my profile link and denying it; you're bound to grow up.. Teenaged Guys - keep echoing my every choice in life; you're bound to get laid. And People, - "Dont fret, Things are never as bad as they seem.".
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[14 Apr 2005|05:36am] |
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